The Rainbows & Valleys of FTWM

Many know this abbreviation FTWM, which stands for Full Time Working Mother; and many of us FTWM can attest to how challenging it can be, especially in this pandemic era. It can be exhausting to fulfil our work demands and care for the family at the same time, in the same space. Especially Asian women, who typically take on the burden of caring for the whole household, which includes the elderly as well as the little ones. 

My husband and me are hands-on parents, where both of us takes care of our two young kids when they’re not in childcare center. Honestly, there are days where by we’re so busy that we’re tempted to sub out our parenting chores to the helper to ease our burden. Nonetheless, we still persevered and hopefully we’ll continue to do so, it is a continuous action packed movie when the kids are around!

Recently I met up with an ex-colleague and amazing friend where we shared about our lives, family, work and business. I asked her about her parenting advice and she said “well, you’re already doing it - which is continue working”. Children learn to be more independent when they know that they don’t have someone to pick up their pieces for them. Personally I find that resonates a lot with me, my mother was a FTWM too and I’ve always admired that strength, resilience and I still have vivid memories of going to my mom’s workplace and enthusiastically learning about what she does (she was a food & agricultural researcher so the yummy food during my visits is definitely a plus point).

Don’t get me wrong, I respect Stay at Home mothers and it is a blessing to be able to care for their children full time. At the same time, I love my job which provides me with learnings, challenges as well as social interactions; it gives me various perspectives, a platform where I can make a difference out there. However, there are sacrifices that I have to make, working on weekends, at night when the kids sleeps or even lunches in front of my laptop. Many times I’m thankful to God for providing me with a supportive husband and family, which provides me with a good balance and helps me to go through challenges in life. On top of that, I’m thankful that my family is safe and we’re together under the same roof especially in such times of uncertainties and we can still be together where many other families might not be as lucky.

Furthermore, Singapore is the most expensive city to live in, so it’s helpful to have dual income in the family.

I understand that every woman, every family has their own challenges…To all FTWMs out there, no matter what you’re going through: work challenges, money problems, family issues, struggles with children, caring for elderly folks etc…the long list of demands might seem unending, but know that you’re not alone and we’re all cheering for one another. 

Here’s a few tips on how I decompress, feel free to comment or email us on your tips too :)

Identify

Sometimes we don’t even recognize when we experience burnout, especially in the pandemic era where our own needs might not be the priority anymore. Recognize what causes you stress or burn out, I find this Ted talk helpful in recognizing the causes that you might or might not even know it:- https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_and_amelia_nagoski_the_cure_for_burnout_hint_it_isn_t_self_care?language=en

New hobby

Pick up a new hobby, something different from your day to day and yet gives you joy and satisfaction. During the lockdown, I started floral arrangement and recently watch assembly, it helps me to unwind and the lovely flowers all over the house brightens up everyone’s mood!

Compartmentalize